20december

The need of darkness

This is my least extrovert time of the year. The days around Winter Solstice are completely silent. It might be a lot happening around me, but I stand like frozen. I am hibernating.


Social events at this time can be a horror. All social stuff, Christmas parties is just not possible.

Now I have used all my energy to Christmas fairs which I've truly enjoyed. But now my whole being is longing for nothing. I need to be alone. I need to start a new year in solitude.

Doing nothing; at least nothing that can be seen.


I remember a story that my mom once told me about a traveling opera star. The star was working a lot, sang at beautiful places all over the world.

She lived a fantastic life. But still a life that demanded discipline according to the balance between rest and activity.

When the opera star wasn't traveling and singing for huge audiences she spent weeks alone in her apartment; just sleeping, eating; hibernating in the human kind of way.

Resting with all here being.


I might not struggle with singing at great stages in all the corners of the world, but I still think that we all got something to learn from this singing star. At least I need some time off, just to exist. This is the time of the year for me.

I don't create much. I don't do much at all. And I need this time to totally enter the darkness. Being alone. Otherwise I am not able to enter the light again. Silently and unconsciously preparing for the new light, for the turning of the year.


To listen to this important impulse of not doing anything, this deadly silence craving is mandatory for me. I would not survive without this darkness.


The light is so near now…